Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
