I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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