some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
