im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
