i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
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