We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
