Can we reminisce? I held a mans penis while he peed. This is the craziest night I've ever had.
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
Randomize
