At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Randomize
