She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Randomize
