I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize
