For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
My google history shows every combination of "red lobster cheesy biscuits" possible.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
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