I skipped work to stalk him.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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