When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
