Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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