Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Is 6 weeks really a benchmark now?
Ask me in 6 more weeks, when they're in a bisexual polycule.
Randomize
