I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
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