Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize