So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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