i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
