He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
Randomize
