Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Randomize
