My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
