Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
You fucked everything up-can't pass a cleared kitchen table without getting hard
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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