It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Sex in the backyard? Check.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
