break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
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