Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
