Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Randomize
