eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
