I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
