JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
