yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
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