she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
The police scanner is talking about you again....
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
