I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I just farted for five sidewalk sections! New personal best.
I don't know what kind of drugs you were on last night but you kept trying to highlight my face because you said I was important
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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