A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
Randomize
