Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Randomize
