You smell like stripper and shame
i always forget guys have bellybuttons
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
