dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
The cops wrote boobs in the police report. ...vandalism is our calling
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
Turns out end of the world sex is H-O-T, HOoot! I'll be the only progressive lady smiling today
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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