Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Guess who just set half their backyard on fire.
Please tell me youre joking.
Nope. on the brightside though, im really gonna quit smoking this time.
Randomize
