Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
