Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
It feels like you stuck your dick in a fire and then branded the inside of me.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Randomize
