somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
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