i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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