I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
Just got my LSAT score...if you need me I'll be drunk in a ditch somewhere.
Randomize
