Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
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