I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize
