why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
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