I hate all girls vehemently.
i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
