It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
Randomize
