Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
