I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
He's just so adorable. And I don't want to fuck someone who's adorable.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize