she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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