words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm only bisexual one week out of the month. Nothing like ovulation hormones to make the genders of my hookups seem completely irrelevant.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
