He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
It's not even 11, i dropped a shot glass, nick is bleeding, and everyone is drunk
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Randomize
