Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
