they said they heard you say put it in my butt
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
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