Ok so serious question: if one wanted to say the plural of mongoose, would it be mongooses or mongeese?
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
