He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
