I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
