I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
STOP TELLING PEOPLE I PEED ON YOU
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Randomize
