so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Just got a call from someone claiming to be my son . How do I initiate a conversation. Tell me about the last eighteen years. And by the way who is your mom again?
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
She's got a shotglass necklace, running down the street asking people to "fill her up". Get here.
Randomize
