respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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