tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
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