ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
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