why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Randomize
