I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Yo if you blacked out last night, careful going through your purse. There's cocaine in a lollipop wrapper.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
