what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
i would one night stand the shit outta him
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
