We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
If turning my entire backyard into a slip-n-slide is wrong then I don't wanna be right
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize