my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Watermelon juice. Makes everything better. Gin. Wine. EVERYTHING.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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