I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
