oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Have you ever given your heart and soul to someone and they turn out to be nothing but a great fuck that makes a mean grilled cheese because same
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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