Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
how am i supposed to spank it to a shakira video when she looks like she is doing the robot?
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
I know it sounds like a good idea, but doing Spanish homework at a bar just because the owners are Mexican and they give us margaritas really wasn't the best decision.
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
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