So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I'm drive I can fine osifer
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
