So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
Can you imagine how doomed are children are? I mean for one they have our genetics and then we will ruin them as parents. It will be the most magical adventure. Let's not start soon, too many adventures at hand that involve immense amounts of alcohol.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize