What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
Obviously last night's theme was "Let's Make Bad Life Choices"
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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