Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
