I understand Curling. That high.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
Randomize
