Just set all my clocks a minute apart. Now my 4:20 is longer by sixfold
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Woke up with pink eye in both my eyes. That's how the threesome went
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
So the door man at the local dispensary started giving me motivational talks about my beard...
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Randomize
