After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
