fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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