Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Naked. naked and bneed help.
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
Randomize
