Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
I told her it would be awesome. We are all the same people. One of us would always be drunk, one of us would always be hooking up, and one of us would always be crying into a pancake.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
