So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Randomize
