I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Dude, naked camping ALWAYS takes precedence. I would skip my own funeral to go naked camping.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
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