you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
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