its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
I promise I won't bug you anymore, I just need the following things at your convenience but preferably soon: my earrings, cup, and panties. Thanks. Good talk.
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