I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize