I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
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