dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I was drunk and gave him my dad's phone number instead because somehow I thought that'd be funny. Man did that fucking backfire
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
