And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
Randomize
