please come you make the beer taste better
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
