There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Randomize
