Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The voicemail says i shouldn't bother ever showing my face there again, i don't understand
We visited your boss last night. guess you wont be paying the rent this month, eh?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
Apparently I made a chicken patty, angrily took it out of the microwave, walked outside, and threw it over the balcony. #me
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
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