my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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