my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
It's one of those mornings where you wake up and want to go to church for the first time in ten years. THAT shameful.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
Randomize