my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Randomize
