I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
