you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
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