you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
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