I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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