it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Randomize