Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Why is there a mildly painful bruise on my back?
You slipped off the sink last night.
Why was I on the sink......?
;)
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