I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Can I color on your dick again?
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
