Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
That kid singlehandedly fucked the breakup right out of me. I'm only hooking up with Millenials from here on out.
Of course his mom thinks you're nice, she doesn't know you have sex for cheeseburgers
One time!! I like sex and food....
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Randomize
