even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
Semen is not good for contacts.
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
