I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i have rugburns grass stains and some road rash. im an all terrain slut
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Randomize
