She said her name was "party"
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I saw a picture of my dad holding my legs in a kegstand. Town festival=success.
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
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