Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
eating pizza to get the taste of dick out my mouth wby
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
