Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Randomize
